My dog is old. How to help my husband cope with impending pet loss?

Question

My 71-year old husband is extremely attached to our 12 year old lab-sharpei dog, who the vet says is OK for her age. ( I am less attached.) She's clearly slowing down. He is already upsetting himself at the prospect of her death, a kind of "pre-grief." I'm more accepting of the inevitable. How can I help him cope when it happens? How can I cope with him? Pet's info: Dog | Mixed Breed Medium (23 - 60lb) | Female | spayed | 45 lbs

Anna M., DVM · Accepted Answer

That's tough - and it's so thoughtful of you to be thinking about how to help your husband through what will be a difficult loss when the time comes! There are a couple things I encourage people to do when we know their pet is slowing down, or nearing the end. The first is to write a list of all the was their pet has always shown them that it has a good quality of life or is happy. Things like greeting you at the door, eating her food, eating treats, playing with toys, wanting to go for walks....whatever comes to mind. By having this list, we can watch for when those things start to disappear from Lani's life, which will be her way of telling us she's no longer happy or has a good quality of life. The second thing is to keep a little journal of how she's doing. It doesn't have to be extensive, it could just be a few words at the end of the day. "good day", or "went for a nice walk", or "vomited her breakfast", or "seemed extra tired", ....whatever seems noteworthy. We tend to grasp onto the really good and really bad days, and keeping this journal helps us watch for a pattern - when the pet is declining, and when the "bad" days outnumber the "good". Now, these are the things I normally tell people when they're struggling with *when* it's time to say goodbye. I don't know if I entirely answered your question - but I think it may help your husband to feel like he's an active part of thinking about Lani's quality of life, and realizing that letting go of her will be an act of love on his part, when she is no longer enjoying life. I truly believe that euthanasia can be an act of love - we have the ability to end suffering, and provide a peaceful, painless passing when we can see that our animals are suffering and we can't fix it. I hope this helps.

My dog is old. How to help my husband cope with impending pet loss?

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